I've spent a lot of time here on this blog and in my head going over and over who I was and why I was that way and what happened, which I suppose is healthy. History unanalyzed is destined to repeat itself. Not completely certain that I have all the answers to the whys but I am certain that I am aware of them. That's a good start. I've been doing all this at the expense of thinking about who I want to be.
I know who I don't want to be. What I won't accept. Where I won't go back to.
Now it's time to focus on who I do want to be. What I do what to do. Rewriting my script. Recasting myself as the heroine of the story.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Wednesday
It never ceases to amaze me how when I have questions and can't figure out the answers if I surrender and stop trying to find the answers they come to me. Sometimes it's a song, sometimes it's a person or even a post on Facebook.
I don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe in accidents or chance. I believe the universe is always looking for ways to give us answers and that every thing has meaning if we choose to look. Synchronicity, serendipity, coincidence, to me are all the universe at work. There are no chance encounters everything, every person, every event is an opportunity to see the universe working for us.
I signed up for a daily meditation to be sent to my email. Random quotes from different books, sometimes they are good sometimes not. This was today's :
"Patience is a quality that frequently eludes us. We want what we want when we want it. Fortunately we don't get it until the time is right, but the waiting convinces us our prayers have not been heard. We must believe that the answer always comes in its own special time and place. The frustration is that our timetable is seldom like God's.
When we look back over the past few weeks, months or even years we can recall past prayers. Had they all been answered at the time of request, how different our lives would be. We are each on a path unique to us offering special lessons to be learned. Just as a child must crawl before walking so must we move slowly taking the steps in our growth in sequence.
Our prayers will be answered sometime somewhere of that we can be sure. They will be answered for our greater good and they will be answered at the right time, the right place, in the right way.
I am participating in a much bigger picture than the one of my individual prayers. And the big picture is being carefully orchestrated. I will trust the part I have been chosen to play. I can be patient."
I have been praying for clarity. I have been praying for answers. This reminded me that to trust in God's will for me means trusting in God's timing as well. I have faith that my prayers are being answered. I have to remember to let go and trust that the universe has heard me and is working and if the answer doesn't come immediately then the answer is be patient.
I don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe in accidents or chance. I believe the universe is always looking for ways to give us answers and that every thing has meaning if we choose to look. Synchronicity, serendipity, coincidence, to me are all the universe at work. There are no chance encounters everything, every person, every event is an opportunity to see the universe working for us.
I signed up for a daily meditation to be sent to my email. Random quotes from different books, sometimes they are good sometimes not. This was today's :
"Patience is a quality that frequently eludes us. We want what we want when we want it. Fortunately we don't get it until the time is right, but the waiting convinces us our prayers have not been heard. We must believe that the answer always comes in its own special time and place. The frustration is that our timetable is seldom like God's.
When we look back over the past few weeks, months or even years we can recall past prayers. Had they all been answered at the time of request, how different our lives would be. We are each on a path unique to us offering special lessons to be learned. Just as a child must crawl before walking so must we move slowly taking the steps in our growth in sequence.
Our prayers will be answered sometime somewhere of that we can be sure. They will be answered for our greater good and they will be answered at the right time, the right place, in the right way.
I am participating in a much bigger picture than the one of my individual prayers. And the big picture is being carefully orchestrated. I will trust the part I have been chosen to play. I can be patient."
I have been praying for clarity. I have been praying for answers. This reminded me that to trust in God's will for me means trusting in God's timing as well. I have faith that my prayers are being answered. I have to remember to let go and trust that the universe has heard me and is working and if the answer doesn't come immediately then the answer is be patient.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Tuesday
Long day. Trying very hard to have faith that everything that has happened has a higher purpose. Not always easy. I know that the universe has a divine plan and I know that I have many times gotten in the way of that plan. Trying very hard to find the balance between being in charge of my life and getting in the way of things. Reminding myself to surrender the things I have no control over and praying for the courage to do the right thing when I do have control.
Walking a tight rope. That's how this feels.
Walking a tight rope. That's how this feels.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Lessons
I believe that we are all here to learn lessons. I also believe in a loving God that tries to send us lessons in the easiest way possible for us to learn them. The key is to learn the lesson the first time around, because of you don't, they get more difficult and I have found they get much more painful.
The same people keep reappearing in my life. Some of them literally people that I thought I had dealt with and were in my past and some of them figuratively, the same type of person. That tells me I have not learned whatever lesson the universe was trying to teach me the first go around.
When it is the same person, it's easy for me to say "well I guess I didn't get the lesson they were trying to teach me", and I can usually then see the lesson and like magic they disappear.
I'm struggling with that these days. I can not for the life of me figure out what the lesson is with this person. I know there is a lesson to be learned but I can't see it. I know I want her the hell out of my life and maybe that is causing me to look too hard.
I've tried to have empathy, I've tried to keep my hands off the situation not react not engage but it is becoming more and more difficult for me to do.
Maybe I need to let go and just ask the universe to show me the lesson. What am I supposed to learn here. I have been praying about it and listening and haven't come up with anything so the only other thing I know how to do is let go, surrender.
Or maybe it's a lesson about me standing up for myself. I really want to think its that because then I would feel justified in doing some things that are not spiritual and not the kind of woman I want to be. I want very much to love my life in integrity. Who I say I am matches how I behave. I know for sure that I want to do the right thing so this person never reappears in my life.
My mantra this week is "when you surrender you don't lose anything you gain peace"
This week I will surrender my thoughts feelings and ideas about this person and pray that the lesson reveals itself to me as gently as possible.
The same people keep reappearing in my life. Some of them literally people that I thought I had dealt with and were in my past and some of them figuratively, the same type of person. That tells me I have not learned whatever lesson the universe was trying to teach me the first go around.
When it is the same person, it's easy for me to say "well I guess I didn't get the lesson they were trying to teach me", and I can usually then see the lesson and like magic they disappear.
I'm struggling with that these days. I can not for the life of me figure out what the lesson is with this person. I know there is a lesson to be learned but I can't see it. I know I want her the hell out of my life and maybe that is causing me to look too hard.
I've tried to have empathy, I've tried to keep my hands off the situation not react not engage but it is becoming more and more difficult for me to do.
Maybe I need to let go and just ask the universe to show me the lesson. What am I supposed to learn here. I have been praying about it and listening and haven't come up with anything so the only other thing I know how to do is let go, surrender.
Or maybe it's a lesson about me standing up for myself. I really want to think its that because then I would feel justified in doing some things that are not spiritual and not the kind of woman I want to be. I want very much to love my life in integrity. Who I say I am matches how I behave. I know for sure that I want to do the right thing so this person never reappears in my life.
My mantra this week is "when you surrender you don't lose anything you gain peace"
This week I will surrender my thoughts feelings and ideas about this person and pray that the lesson reveals itself to me as gently as possible.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Update from the front lines
http://insanityseekingserenity.blogspot.com/2013/04/update.html?m=1&zx=6e54c71ddda4fa56
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Update from the front lines
http://insanityseekingserenity.blogspot.com/2013/04/update.html?m=1&zx=6e54c71ddda4fa56
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